And it was a snake. And I was afraid it was going to bite me.

As I plodded up my dark basement steps after getting up at 5:20am from my deep slumber, a large, shadowy snake-like figure next to my feet suddenly slithered up the steps. It scared me half to death and I quickly realized it was indeed a decent sized snake. It then moved behind a storage box and junk behind the box at the top of my steps.

The next ten minutes saw an epic battle between the snake and I as I tried to round it up to get it out of the house. I ran to get a flashlight, a recycling bin, and a paper towel to grab it with. The dark snake was much more active than the usual snakes around my house and it routinely squared up against me, the flashlight, or the paper towel as I was trying to get it. I was eventually able to grab it somewhere near its head with the paper towel and get it into the recycling bin to take it outside.

A pretty accurate artist’s recreation of the epic Battle for the Beaven House.

I left it in the recycling bin and woke up my wife and daughter to see it if they wanted to see it. I didn’t take any pictures of it because I didn’t want to stay outside looking like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wearing only boxer briefs. After my shower, I went to check on the snake and to let it go if it was still in the bin and I discovered that I had inadvertently left the front door open as I went to take a shower still only half-awake. The storm door was closed, but there’s a piece of weather stripping that is missing at its bottom. The snake was gone from the bin, so the snake and I may be battling again tonight if it decided to come back in the house.

It turned out to be a checkered garter snake, which are fairly common in my neighborhood. Below are three pics I’ve taken over the years. Lacking venom, they’re harmless and I don’t even know if they have any teeth to sink into people if they wanted to. But damn, it was active and aggressive.

This smaller one was climbing on my lawnmower ten years ago. It was lighter in color than ones in recent years.
This mummified garter was another one in my basement found a few years ago in a pest control box by pest control.
This one was in my shed a few years ago and seems to be about the size of the one I fought this morning.